Roommate Needed (great writing sample!)

$900 Fenway Apartment (Fenway) 

 Hey there. You look like the type of person that wants to live with us. Are you a person? Do you like apartments? Do you like living with three dudes with great hair? You're fucking right you do. This apartment is big as tits. Its got two floors...."wait did he just say?"...yeah TWO FUCKING FLOORS. Big ass kitchen if you're into that stuff. I got a question you should ask yourself, do you like pooping? Well good thing you do because we have 2.5 goddamn baths bitch! that means 3 toilets, in the words of Lil Wayne you can "shit all daaayyyy". Speaking of Lil Wayne, the two bedrooms are huge! Unfortunately, you won't have a bedroom to yourself! I know! It sucks! Kind of! But not really because you get to live in the same room as one of us and we fucking ROCK. You like couches? We got two, eat it. You like futons? We got two of those motherfuckeerrrrrrr. Futons like you read about. Let me guess, you cross me as the type of person that has a lot of clothes and shoes. Well good thing we have closets all over the place. You like walking into things? These are WALK IN CLOSETS. One in each bedroom baby! Ain't no thang. Just a couple of O.G.'s trying to find a roommate who wants to hang out with some awesome looking men, thats right we're men, well at least I am, not much of a man, but a man. You like sloths? SO DO WE. We can't own one, nobody can, but we can imagine how awesome it would be to have A FUCKING SLOTH IN THIS AWESOME FUCKING APARTMENT. Yeah its sweet. No pets though. There's a communal rooftop deck which means if we have a semi hot neighbor we can watch her over the four foot fence that separates us from normal people. You like Perrier water? That sucks, we piss in perrier, perrier in the toilets, champagne in the faucets. We ball. Groceries are fun, good thing there is shaw's supermarket less than 500 yards away thats 5 football fields if you're into math. We have a Nintendo 64, wanna Mario Kart? I'll see you on Rainbow Road bitch. See we lead pretty simple lives. We eat steak, we drink whiskey, we enjoy the occasional cigar. One of those is a lie, actually two, maybe three I'm not really sure. I can't smoke, it makes me cough, my friend can't eat steak I think he caught the gay, and the last kid doesn't drink because we are "underage" (*finger quotes) but rules were made to be broken, just like bones. You know what they say, when in Kiev, do as the Kievans do. Or something along those lines. We appreciate your time and we're glad you read this because we need a roommate really bad and whatnot.

http://boston.craigslist.org/gbs/roo/3701954817.html